You're going to have to forgive me here, i cancelled with my therapist this week thinking I didn't need it and life quickly reminded me I do. I've noticed another pattern, and she's not available so now I'm sharing it with all of you and hoping it brings some solace. Men have always been children. We called them Men to help hide this idea, but at the end of the day, there wasn't a time when "men were men", because they always required woman to support them. We broke this down a bit, by refusing to abide by the abuses, anger, frustrations, domination. We stopped allowing the little boys in grown bodies to throw tantrums, and then all we had left were little boys with big feelings they never learned how to control. We get mad when they behave like little boys. When they laugh at shitty jokes, when they want to be in their little boys clubs, and when they don't know how to help with basic bare minimum household stuff. But that's progress. That's therapy. It gets worse before it gets better. Now, a lot of young "men", feel lost in this society we've built. They aren't violent or abusive, but they're still not being rewarded. I'm guessing they feel like they're never doing enough. To that end, I have to say.... yeah. No one is actually telling us what we CAN do, to grow. I made a post earlier about the way that guys tend to "not find things their partners ask them to look for". It's a simple thing, but when you add up all the little times this support is missing, it rots things. It builds resentment, it leads to other conflicts that feel unrelated but are actually adjacent. Yes, you are being a little boy. No, you're not being shamed for it. Once you grow, you'll be recognized for what you are. There's no award for actually being a good man, for setting new standards. To frame this in other ways, when all your favorite Athletes perform better, we don't make new titles for them. They still play the same positions. Sure, they get paid more; but they're still playing the same game. Them setting an example just motivates someone else to play the game better, and better, until we look back and the entire game is being played in a way that would put old players to shame. It's not asking for too much of you, because you're capable of more than you're doing and you already know you are. It's not the easy road. It's not someone else's fault. And a part of you already knows that. I don't do what I do because my partner is the "right one" for me. She is the "right one" for me, but that's not why I do what I do. I do it for the way I treated all the women before her, even if they were the "wrong one"; because they didn't deserve to be treated poorly, just because I wasn't happy. I had to figure myself out. I'm still figuring myself out. I'm lucky that my partner holds space for me to figure myself out. And I have to hold space for her to do the same; that's partnership. That's equality. That's all that's being asked of us. Don't let grifters get in your head about how you need a product or program. You don't. Just listen when she speaks, and if it's not your favorite sound, you're probably in the wrong relationship. #masculinity #men #forthedudes #feminism #freedom #philosophy #grow #growth #imperialism #psychology #therapy