## Gratitude I am not my brother. I am alive, loved, sane. I am capable, and can see a path forward in the midst of all this would-be control that attempts to direct me into a mindless consumer. ## Random Ideas To whom it may concern, My brother Gareth Nolasco has recently been turned down for disability and I wanted to clarify how desperately he is in need of this support. Whether temporarily, or potentially permanently, Gareth is not capable of sustaining a standard job, even part-time. Writing this is not comfortable, and is not pleasant. I have attempted on multiple occasions to help my brother find employment, and keep steady on a routine that might benefit him. While Gareth is capable of waking up and following a routine to some degree, that routine is primarily self-destructive and requires a significant amount of monitoring and assistance in order to complete even basic daily functions. He will be 27 this November, 12. I have watched my brother steadily decline year over year, always with conversations of how much better his life was when he was younger, and how much easier things were. Unfortunately, as someone who lived with Gareth from the time he was born until he was 6, and then again from the time he was 11 until he was 19, I can say for certain that he has a twisted recollection. Gareth used a Para throughout high school, and even then still struggled to maintain his grades. Apart from this inability to remain focused on tasks without direct aid, he often becomes angered and/or upset when asked to perform any task which is not in line with his own choices. He can become very irate, and is prone to bouts of daydreaming and fantasizing that leave him lost. Whether this is due to his condition, or a side effect of his multiple medications, i'm not sure. It's difficult for me to write this, as I have long hoped that my brother could eventually find himself and become a productive adult. In recent years and conversations with him, I've had to accept that my brother does not have the will or capability to pursue even these goals. It would be wonderful to see him capable of at least basic bodily care like showering and eating healthy without persistent and constant attention/guidance from our parents, but even now he still struggles to maintain basic hygiene without their reminders. I don't like admitting that my brother requires further assistance, that he is incapable. Part of me will always hope that he can turn his life around, and years of attempting to convince him show me that I've been trying to convince myself. While Gareth has a good heart for others, it is often only to ensure they give him attention and usually expecting some kind of return on his kindness. This is very difficult to see in his interactions, because it becomes clear that without significant praise or acknowledgement nothing matters to him long-term. While you might see a full grown adult, the person inside him is childlike, with all the difficulty expected in convincing a five year old that something is in their best interest. Again, I write this while hoping my brother might someday turn his life around. I don't genuinely believe that he will anymore, because he has proven to me time and time again, despite my own time and money invested into his well-being, that he will not improve unless it feels good immediately. I hope this helps you reconsider your decision, and understand that my brother is of that unfortunate part of the populace that we can hope and attempt to guide towards self-betterment, but they'll always choose something convenient over something progressive. ##